


Too Close To Touch

by Sandrine Shaw (Sandrine)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Character Death, Dysfunctional Relationships, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-08-17
Updated: 2004-08-17
Packaged: 2017-10-31 06:52:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/341184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandrine/pseuds/Sandrine%20Shaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a ghost in there with them, occupying almost all the space, suffocating them more and more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Close To Touch

_I. Similarities and Differences_

Hermione is a smart girl, and sometimes she notices things that no one else does. Draco is not Harry, and he'll never be, but Hermione knows that they're more alike than people think. They're polar opposites in almost every aspect - looks, character, preferences - and paradoxically, that's what makes them alike. People don't see this, but they don't know Draco like Hermione does, and neither did they know Harry like she did.

There's not a day, not even an hour, when she doesn't think of Harry. It's the little things that remind her of him, like hearing his favorite song, or stumbling over a Quidditch add in the local newspaper. Strangely enough, it seems that every little thing Draco does reminds her of Harry as well. How Draco neatly folds his clothes before going to bed (Harry just dropped them in a corner, and got in a horrible fuzz over not being able to find them the next morning), or how he listens attentively to the story of her day over dinner (Harry would find a way to turn the conversation to something else five minutes after sitting down).

But then, late at night, she looks at Draco when he's fast asleep. His hair is uncharacteristically ruffled, and he hogs the covers just like Harry used to. And when the curtains keep the moonlight out, she could almost think that it's not Draco beside her.

She sometimes feels a stab of guilt and realizes that she's not being fair. She doesn't really give Draco a chance to be himself. She doesn't define him by what he is, but rather by what his similarities and his differences to Harry are. 

She tries, she really does.

Then she notices how soft and unscarred his skin is (unlike Harry's was, in the end), and she wonders how he could have possibly emerged from the war so untouched, as if nothing had happened at all. That's not fair either, she thinks. He shouldn't be unscathed and alive when Harry, her Harry, is not.

In the rare moments when she gives it thought, she wonders what he gets out of it.

_II. As Close As It Gets_

Draco is not overtly fond of denial. Denial is beneath a Malfoy, so he doesn't delude himself that things are different than they are. Potter is dead, and nothing will change that. Nothing he can do about it. After all, the Boy-Who-Didn't-Live-Forbloodyever had to go and play hero. Smart enough to save the world, but too stupid to save himself. Typically Gryffindor.

The war was over, Potter was gone, and wouldn't come back - so the only thing Draco could do was reach out and go for the next best thing. Which happened to be Hermione.

Draco tries to avoid pondering on the past and the might-have-beens. Hermione isn't Harry, and Draco isn't foolish enough - or good enough at self-deception - to make himself believe she is. Hermione is curves where Harry was edges, bushy curls brush his face at night when he wishes it would be silky, unruly black strands, and the eyes that look at him with a gleam of expectation that seems misplaced when he enters their small apartment are brown, not green like they should be. But there's nothing to be done about it.

And really, she's as close as it gets. When he thinks of Harry, the memories are inseparably tied to their time at Hogwarts, and Hogwarts has always been about the Harry-Ron-Hermione trinity. But Ron, like Harry, is dead, and Draco is rather glad because the idea of touching a Weasley is kinda revolting. There's no one who was closer to Harry than Hermione - no one who's alive anyway, so she was the logical choice to turn to. 

Sometimes, rarely though, he thinks it's a little bit twisted to be with your dead lover's girlfriend just because she was the last person he touched... he tasted... he loved. Sometimes he wonders if he's gradually going insane, and if Hermione knows that and does this out of pity.

Because, why else would she even want to touch him?

Not that he really cares.

_III. A Room Full of Ghosts_

The light is always switched off, and the curtains are always closed, because Hermione insist and Draco doesn't care enough to object. 

He touches her like her body is sacred, almost worshiping (This is Harry's territory.) and her eyes are firmly closed when his fingers dance over her skin (If she thinks about it hard enough, maybe it will be Harry's fingers.)

No one else has ever been to their place and yet, the room - the bed, even - feels always crowded. There's a ghost in there with them, occupying almost all the space, suffocating them more and more; and neither of them realizes that they are closer to the world of the dead than the world of the living. 

Draco buries his face in her hair, her arms clinging tightly to his body. 

When they whisper "I love you" on the heights of passion, they tell themselves it's not even a lie. It's merely addressed to someone else.

The end.


End file.
